忍受快樂

Pain is a constant companion and isn’t a very good one. I try to reason with it, and I end up feeling miserable. I cannot help but think about you. You, who had so much to give and share with me.

Even when I was young, you were a constant figure. You were there to see me grow up. I cried, I laughed, I learned, and you were there to guide me. With you gray hair and chunky glasses, I would watch you think and brood, and your sudden smile would light up your face as quickly as it came.

I think about the time I missed being with you. So many years have passed since I saw you again, and for a brief moment, I imagined you not being in my life. I wanted to cry. But I know you would be there, as you always were. The gray hair has turned to white, and with that came a wiry frame that was fragile. Still the eyes were as vibrant as ever, and a mind that was well-running.

You taught me to be strong and live for my dreams. With your voracious hunger for knowledge you taught me to love learning; always told me that knowledge is a constant thing. You were so strong, so wise and your presence was always a comfort, I always loved being by your side. You always gave me a hug when I left down. I never loved crowds, and you always seemed understand that, not pressing me to join the others or pretend to have a good time.

I get lost in the books you taught me to read. Those books which you gave me to learn more about the world, to never give up on things, to help me know myself and more. I read them constantly, ever so often reminded of the things you taught me. You always loved books.

You never said much, but I always knew that every time we saw each other, you were glad to see me. As I always am glad to see you.

I remember you with a teary face and wistful smile. My pain is more insistent as I try to hold on the hope that you will pull through this, like the strong person that you are.

I love you, grandpa.

只可惜宇宙浩淼,到哪裏尋找這樣的膠水!

這種表面美好的幻想,核心是一團虛妄的灰霧在作祟。婚姻中自然天成的惟一佳侶，幾乎是不存在的。許多婚禮上，我們以為天造地設的婚姻，夭折得如同閃電。真正的金婚銀婚，多是歷久彌新的磨合與默契。

女人不要把一生的幸福，寄託在婚前對男性千錘百煉的挑揀中，以為選擇就是一切。對了就萬事大吉，錯了就一敗塗地。選擇只是一次決定的機會，當然對了比錯了好。但正確的選擇只是良好的開端，即使航向對頭，我們依然還會遭遇風暴。淡水沒了，船櫓漂走，風帆折了……種種危難如同暗礁，潛伏於航道，隨時可能顛覆小船。選擇錯了，不過是輸了第一局。開局不得，當然令人懊惱，然而賽季還長，你可整裝待發，蓄芳來年。只要贏得最終勝利，終是好棋手。

在我們人生誘途中，不得不常常進入出售敗績的商場。那裏不由分地訪問演出把用華麗外衣包裝的痛苦，強售給我們。這沉重慘痛的包袱，使人沮喪。於是出了店門，很多人動用遺忘之手，以最快的速度把痛苦丟棄了。這是情緒的自我保護，無可厚非。但很可惜，買櫝還珠，得不償失。付出的是生命的金幣，收穫的只是垃圾。如果我們能夠忍受心靈的煎熬，細致地打開一層層包裝，就會在痛苦的核心裏，找到失敗隨機贈送的珍貴禮品—千金難買的經驗和感悟。

如果執著地相信惟一，在苦苦尋找之後一無所獲，或是得而複失，懊惱不已，你就拿到了一本儲蓄痛苦的零存整取存單，隨時都有些進賬可以添到收入一欄裏記載了。當它積攢到一筆相當大的數目，在某個孤寂的晚上，一古腦擠提出來，或許可以置你於死地。

即使選擇非常幸運地與“惟一”靠得很近，也不可放任自流。“惟一”不是終生的平安保險單，而是需要養護需要滋潤需要施肥需要精心呵護的鮮活生物。沒有比婚姻這種小動物，更需要營養和清潔的維生素了。就像沒有永遠的敵人一樣，也沒有永遠的愛人。愛人每一天都隨新的太陽一同升起。越是情調豐富的愛情，越是易餿，好比鮮美的肉湯如果不天天燒開，便很快滋生雜菌以至腐敗。

不要相信唯一。世上沒有惟一的行當，只要勤勞敬業，有千千萬萬的職業適宜我們經營。世上沒有惟一的恩人，只要善待他人，就有溫暖的手在危難時接應。世上沒有惟一的機遇，只要做好準備，希望就會頑強地閃光。世上沒有惟一只能成為你的妻子或丈夫的人，只要有自知之明，找到相宜你的類型，天長日久真誠相愛，就會體驗相伴的幸福。

女友講完了，沉思嫋嫋地籠罩著我們。我說，你的很多話讓我茅塞頓開，但是……

但是……什麽呢？直說好了。女友是個爽快的人。

我說，是否因工作和愛人都不是你的惟一，所以才這般決絕？不管你怎樣說，我依然相信世界上存在著“惟一”這種概率。如同玉石，並不能因為我們自己不曾擁有，就否認它的寶貴。

女友笑了，說，一種概率若是稀少到近乎零的地步，我們何必抓住苦苦不放？世上有多少婚姻的苦難，是因追求縹緲的“惟一”而發生的啊！對我們普通的男人和女人來說，抵制惟一，也許是通往通往快樂的小徑。

成千上萬的丈夫（上）